Painting was her passion most people never understood that. You had to watch her paint to see her in action. First, by putting the colors out on the palette. Next mixing them on the palette before putting it on the canvas. Then stroking the brush on the canvas applying the paint first in short strokes and then going longer. You could see the build up coming, until she stepped back and looked at the painting as if she was seeing it for the first time. It was sensual to watch her paint as if she was making love to each and everyone her paintings in some small way. The hat was exactly what she was doing. Giving a part of her self, her sexual self was the only way Vanessa known how to express it, through her paintings. One day Vanessa was bored as the snow storm came and she was cooped up inside. She didn’t feel much like painting so she was watching some show on TV that showed couples using body paints for sexual pleasure. When Vanessa first saw this, she thought ‘I have got to have. I did not want children when I was younger. I thought that I would do something good for humanity to not procreate and add to the depletion of the Earth. I felt that I was morally superior to all those women who wanted, and had, their two point six children. The fact that I, honestly, did not look my age facilitated me in this delusion. The fact that I have had no illnesses beyond the occasional cold led me to believe that I had time and good genes on my side. Well, guess what, I was wrong about all of those things. I decided one day, about two years ago, to eschew the Nazarite vow that I made as a child (fodder for another essay I suppose) and have a child myself. I have written about broken vows in this forum already so I won’t linger on this, but suffice to say that things have not gone as planned. My IVF failed. In truth, I FAILED. I was the one who had no eggs in my two follicles — six short of what the doctor wanted, but at least two gave me the chance of twins. It was a nasty.
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